And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
