New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
