I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
