Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my sisters under your porch take her home
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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