bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I deserve this hangover.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
