A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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