those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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