Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
