Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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