I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
