Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
