You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
