Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
