I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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