one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
is this the sara with the beer cane?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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