About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
handjob tips. give me some.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
