Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
