tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
