And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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