Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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