in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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