i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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