So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
