i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
