I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So squirting runs in the family.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
