Need sex. Gaining weight.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
