I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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