I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
