I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
