shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
