Your dad touched me again.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
