Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
