dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
ttyl tear gas
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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