now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
