He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
