I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
