Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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