What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
