How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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