fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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