Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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