Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
