fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
