I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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