Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
