No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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