So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Are we in a gay sports bar?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
