i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
