did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
