think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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