Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I AM VODKA MAN
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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